Would YOU like to be Ego-less?
How about Ego-free?
Are you ready to BE Awake?
Mind Blowing Moment !- The Absence of Thought
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In my quest for ego-free living, an enlightened friend gave me a name of a person who she claimed was Egoless. “Really?” I asked. “It can be done?” I wondered. “It is possible?” I questioned. She suggested I read his new book.
Ha! Another book! ( I thought to myself.) Nah. No thanks. I really want a straight answer. I would prefer a simple formula into the “No Ego-Zone”. I was not feeling “up to” another book. Why would I want to spend more precious time in my mind? I to be Ego-free-ASAP. Actually, I wanted this yesterday!
So curiously, definitely skeptical, (stubbornly, by-passing the traditional method of information downloading- reading another darn book), I instead found Michael online. I headed straight for the answer. I had gusto. I set up to have a phone conversation with him. It went something like this.
Bluntly, I gave my introduction (secretly hoping he was Egoless and not loaded with judgment or I was screwed). “I have to admit I have not read your book. A friend of mine dropped your name and seemed pretty sure of you. What interests me was that my friend said you are Egoless. Is this true? If so, please tell me how to get there because I would like to get rid of my Ego.”
He answered back with words rising from some deep well of knowledge. This was unknown to me. I grew silent on the line. Listening. Resonating. He asked, “Who would you give the job of getting rid of the Ego to?”- I grew even more silent. No answer.
The interview lasted over an hour. By the end of the call, I felt as if my mind had blown. Was that an episode of spontaneous combustion? ( Hello???? Is there anyone in there? Speak up!) What was that experience I just had?- I wondered. This was definitely a new way of saying “mind blowing” for sure. Perhaps this was really just a blown brain circuit? Whatever it was it lasted for several hours. Then it (the Ego) was back online doing its usual sorting and figuring stuff out. Only this time that peculiar circuit seemed to be missing. Had this new awareness shifted me or something? Permanently? Could it be that now because I am aware of this, I cannot pretend that I don’t know? Is there no going back? What I know after this call with Michael, was that something “for sure” is different inside these four walls of my mind. Is my mind literally blown?
Before this call, I just so happened to be engrossed in a meditation practice watching the Ego run with thoughts. (or so I thought) Sitting for an hour cross legged had not been fun nor liberating. I had been contemplating that non-attachment is really where life is at. (I know they have been saying that for years. I was finally coming to that same conclusion.) In my tired state, I had begun to see a great need to detach from thoughts. (Good and Bad- All of it.) I had been feeling drained from all the thinking going on. I was fatigued by what the endless thinking did to my feelings and worse- where it all led. Very disappointing. I wanted rest.
After this call, I felt a deep sense of “getting it”. It was like putting a last puzzle piece in place. I could see the picture. (for a moment)
During the call he asked, “Are you ready to be Awake?”
Gosh. Wow. “Hmmm….”- I said.
( I found it humorous that I didn’t know. It didn’t know??? What?)
“What is that like?” I asked. He answered in his best descriptive words -unable to put into exact words. My clever mind only heard that some people say it is boring because there is no drama. Wow. I thought. No drama? I don’t like drama. Or do I? Being awake must be like non-attachment to the max? (NO EGO=NO FEAR=NO DRAMA) Well, now I am pondering that (great hey?). More mind stuff. Wait. Am I for real? All I said in reply to his question of whether or not I wanted to be Awake was “Hmmm…”?
Great! I thought to myself (mind comes back online here) I get a chance to talk to the next Eckhart Tolle and all I can say is “Hmmmmm????” I call the Awake Guy, he asks me if I want to wake up… and I don’t know? Why the heck did I make the call then? To amuse myself? He writes a book about being Egoless, gives me his time, tells me all these deep insights and I top off this ice-cream dessert with “I don’t know if I want to be Awake?” All I can say is, “Hmmmm?” HA! I guess the only thing worse I could say to his question is, “Let me think about that.” This is seriousness is becoming very funny stuff!
Well, then. What do I want to do? Stay asleep? Geeezzzz. This Ego of mine is pretty powerful. Hey? I guess the Fear lies in having unconsciously let the Ego run my show for all these years. Now I am contemplating letting it (Ego) go. Then I wonder… who will run the show when I fire this guy (my Ego- my thinker)? Or maybe that’s the point… there is no show? The Ego is just making the show up? Why would it do that? (I wonder) So it has a job? (I wonder) Ahhhhhhh ha! Ok, ok. Perhaps, now I am getting somewhere. (I think) Right back to here. Right back to nowhere to get to.
Still attached,
Sonya
I guess it takes a willingness.
Are you ready to BE Awake?
Sonya M. Boesse -2010
